I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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