i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
