I'm so fucking centered right now
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
