my vag is so smooth its legendary
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
This show inspires me to have sex in space
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We had to coat check the pizza.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
