So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
