whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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