apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
