I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
