i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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