i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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