I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
