I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
