we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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