Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
