And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
