Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
