Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
