every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
