thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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