The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will never coherently bang her
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Randomize