I faked an abortion last night.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
