fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
