Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
