Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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