Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
