so let's talk penis.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
