Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
