i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
