and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
