tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
