I'm really into asian looking animals
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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