It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Four minutes until I can fart!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
