nut hugger
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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