Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
