Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
