Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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