A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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