I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
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I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
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Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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