look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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