at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize