Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
