Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
