birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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