My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize