May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
don't judge my taste in strippers
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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