how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
