My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
