She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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