Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
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You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
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Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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