She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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