you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
