I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
