Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
