its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
