This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Randomize
