My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just cut my nipple shaving
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
