Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
