My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
