who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
