Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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