I think i peed on brittanys purse
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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