Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
