i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
