Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
