On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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