could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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