Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
