he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I want a musical about memes.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
