I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
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I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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