I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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