Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
